The Sound of Music -- Star Wars Edition
by Frostings
Summary: How do you solve a problem like Maberrie? Well, read on and find out!
1. Act One

Welcome, everyone, to the twisted workings of my mind

Welcome, everyone, to the twisted workings of my mind. Please sit back and enjoy…

Dum dum dum dum~!

THE SOUND OF MUSIC – STAR WARS EDITION

By yui seta J

CAST:   
  
Maria – Sabe Maberrie   
Captain – Obi-wan Kenobi   
Head Handmaid – Deppa Bilaba   
Baroness – Eirtae   
Rolf - Anakin   
Liesl – Padme   
Friedrich – Luke   
Louisa – Leia   
Gretl - Jaina   
Marta - Mara   
Kurt - Jacen   
Brigitta - Winter   
  
Nuns:   
Rabe   
Sache   
Yane   
  
· I think I will have to omit the "The Hills are alive…" scene for a while. It looks kind of silly, and I can't think of the lyrics…yet.   
· I just made up the speaking lines because I can't find a copy of the movie transcript for now. But if I do, I'll change it.   
  
SCENE 1: Theed Palace, Handmaiden's School. Somewhere, a bell tolls, and four cloaked figures suddenly appear and walk up the palace's huge hallway. At the end of the hall, the Principal is waiting for them.   
  
Deppa: Good morning, ladies. Rabe, Sache, Yane…where is Sabe? Has she overslept again?   
  
Rabe: Oh, Head Handmaid…As usual…we have no idea.   
  
Deppa: (impatient) Has she gone out wandering again?   
  
Yane: Perhaps…it is most likely. She is…an unusual girl.   
  
Sache: Ha! Unusual! If that's not an understatement, I don't know what is. Don't worry about her, Head Handmaid. She's a certified wacko, ever since she was taken in here.   
  
Yane: Her antics provide us much amusement. She's like that. Everyone here in Theed knows that.   
  
Deppa: Even if I'm new here, I'm still Head Handmaid. That Maberrie can't go on like this. She'll never graduate that way! And Handmaidens are so few.   
  
Sache: You should be warned, then, Madame. She's a social misfit.   
  
Rabe: She likes prowling the alleys and haggling with strange merchants!   
  
Sache: Oh, you really shouldn't us get started on Sabe's weirdness!   
  
cue music:   
  
Yane:   
She climbs a tree and scrapes her knee   
Rabe:   
Her cloak has got a tear   
Sache:   
She imitates Ric Olie   
She's more than he could bear   
Yane:   
And underneath the queen's nose   
She wears the headdress on her hair   
All her shoes are worn and shoddy   
  
Sache:   
She's always late for meetings   
And her excuses are half-real   
Rabe:   
She's always late for everything   
Yane:   
Except for every meal   
Sache:   
I hate to have to say it   
But I very firmly feel   
Maberrie's not an asset to Handmaidenology!   
  
Rabe:   
I'd like to say a word in her behalf   
Sabe…makes me… laugh   
  
CHORUS:   
How do you solve a problem like Maberrie?   
How do you catch Jar Jar and cut him down?   
How do find a word that means Maberrie?   
  
Sache: A will of a wiz   
Rabe: A fliperteejibbit   
Yane: A Jawa!   
  
CHORUS:   
Many a thing you know you like to tell her   
Many a thing she ought to understand   
  
Yane: But how will you make her stay and listen to all you say   
Rabe: How do you keep away from Naboo's star?   
  
CHORUS:   
Oh how do solve like a problem like Maberrie?   
How do you hold a Nubian in your hand?   
  
Rabe: When I'm with her I'm confused, out of focus and bemused, and I never know exactly where I am   
Sache: Unpredictable like weather   
Yane: She's as flighty as a smuggler   
Sache: She's a bantha,   
Yane: She's a Jedi,   
Rabe: She's a lamb!   
Sache: She'd outpester any pest…wakes a Bothan from his rest   
Rabe: She'd could make Darth Maul look like a silly girl   
Yane: She is gentle   
Sache: She is wild   
Yane: She's a riddle   
Rabe: She's a child   
Sache: She's a Sith lord!   
Rabe: She's an angel!   
Deppa: She's a girl   
  
CHORUS   
How do you solve a problem like Maberrie?   
How do you catch Jar Jar and cut him down?   
How do find a word that means Maberrie?   
  
Sache: The will of a wiz   
Yane: A fliperteejibbit   
Rabe: A Jawa!   
  
CHORUS   
Many a thing you know you like to tell her   
Many a thing she ought to understand   
  
Yane: But how will you make her stay and listen to all you say   
Rabe: How do you keep away from Naboo's star?   
  
CHORUS   
Oh how do solve like a problem like Maberrie?   
  
- Sabe runs up to them, looking distressed and hastily putting on her cloak's cowl. The other Handmaidens shake their heads and sigh.   
  
How do you hold a Nubian in your hand?

*_*

Really weird…actually I haven't been working on this for some time now.. But still…please continue on reading and REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!! *insane laughter* Oh, ahem. Excuse me. 


	2. Act One point Five

The continuation

The continuation. (obviously!)

-----

SCENE1   
_The Head Handmaid's office. Depa Billaba is reviewing some papers. Someone knocks on the door and Sabe's head peeps in. _  
  
Depa: Ah, Miss Maberrie! I've been expecting you! (stands up) Well, what on Naboo are you standing there for? Come in, come in! (Sabe slowly walks in the room, her face apprehensive, and sits down on the chair that floats up across the table)   
  
Depa: You missed out on two basic rules of etiquette, Miss Maberrie. You should have sent for a protocol droid to announce your arrival to me, and not knocking on doors like some ruffian.   
  
(Sabe winces)   
  
Depa: AND your posture is horrendous, which no doubt you got by climbing all those trees. I see a tear near your sleeve, and a ghastly mud-stain next to that. Your face—it's too expressive. If you want to be handmaiden, you have to be stoic, aloof—so no one would know what your thoughts are.   
  
Sabe: Yes, Head Handmaid. Pardon me, Head Handmaid. (muttering to herself as she pulls her cheeks) Stoic, aloof, stoic, aloof. How on earth am I going to have an expressionless face?   
  
Depa: I've been hearing a lot about you…Miss Maberrie.   
  
Sabe: (looks alarmed and stands up) It wasn't me, really! It's that horrid Sache, always framing me to get me into dreadful scrapes so that she would have reason to…   
  
Depa: (hold up her hand) But it's YOU who is here, not Sache. You interrupted me. Really, I'm beginning to think you have already forgotten all the basic rules in Handmaidenology. And for goodness' sake, SIT DOWN!   
  
Sabe: (sits down, still looking worried)   
  
(reaches for something in her drawers and brings out a big, fat bundle of papers and places them in front of Sabe.)   
  
Depa: Looks like your antics are good enough to be noted down in Nubian history. As you probably know, these are the papers that I have compiled—all the things that put a 'black mark' against you. In short, all the times that you have screwed up, been late for your meetings, not put on your cloak properly…   
  
Sabe: Oh, please. I know I'm in here for punishment! Get it over with…please?   
  
Depa: …been rude or uncouth AND interrupted your elders. I see that you are not disappointing me by not proving all these accusations wrong, Miss Maberrie. (fixes Sabe a disapproving glare) In fact, I don't even think that you are really bent on graduating from this school…   
  
Sabe: (looks really scared now) Don't think that! Think of Anakin Skywalker turning into Darth Vader or Shmi's death, but please, please, please don't think that! I truly want to graduate, Head Handmaid.   
  
Depa: But with all these papers, I think it calls for some desperate measures! And desperate is an understatement.   
  
(Depa stands up and walks over one of the windows, deep in thought.)   
  
Depa: Perhaps I will be sending you away, after all.   
  
Sabe: WHAT!   
  
Depa: Silence, child. Let me think. Ah, yes. I know. (walks back to the desk, and draws out an envelope from her pocket) I've received a letter from the Jedi Council yesterday…   
  
Sabe: The Jedi Council? Really?   
  
Depa: Quiet! And don't repeat my words, it's annoying. Yes, they sent in a request for a Handmaiden to aid them with their…   
  
Sabe: Fighting? I'm not very good at protocol, Head Handmaid, but I'm very good at that!   
  
Depa: Padawans. I'll let that slip for now, Miss Maberrie. The Jedi Council needs someone to help them with their Padawans as most of the Masters are off to fight in the Clone Wars.   
  
Sabe: Padawans? You mean those children with high Midichlorian counts?   
  
Depa: Yes. There will be seven of them…   
  
Sabe: SEVEN!   
  
Depa: Yes, do you have a problem with that? Most of them are children. You like children, Miss Maberrie.   
  
Sabe: Yes, but seven!   
  
Depa: The council has also informed me that you will be aided by a Jedi Knight, who for some reason or another, is not in the Clone Wars. Perhaps he is too young? Anyway, you will be helped by the Jedi Knight Obi-wan Kenobi, who, for now, is the guardian of the Padawans. Do you understand me, Miss Maberrie? Now, off you go. You must get packed.   
  
Sabe: Packed! I'm leaving now?   
  
Depa: Yes, and if you keep on acting like an impudent child, I will be forced to find a more difficult job. Perhaps you would like to take care of tauntauns on the planet Hoth, instead?   
  
Sabe: On second thought…I'm dying to go! I'm going, I'm going! Oh, I won't fail you, Head Handmaid. I'll come back and I'll be prim and proper, and all that…stuff.   
  
Depa: Yes, I'm sure the hallways will be very much quiet without you. May the Force be with you.   
  
Sabe: Oh, no need for that! I'm walking into a job with people just full of them!   
  
_Sabe runs out of the room. Scene ends._   
  
Scene2   
_Sabe and Rabe's shared sleeping quarters. Rabe is standing nearby while Sabe packs her bags. _  
  
Rabe: It sounds like an awful job, Sabe. And Coruscant! That's so far away.   
  
Sabe: Oh, but it's so kind of the Head Handmaid to volunteer me for taking care of Padawans! It sounds wonderful, so don't look so woeful. And don't forget to tell Sache what kind of 'punishment' I got! She'll be stark raving mad!   
  
Rabe: I thought she was stark raving mad a long time ago. Do take care of yourself! There is a war going on, after all.   
  
Sabe: I will take care of myself. As the best as I know how.   
  
Rabe: Which is usually the worst kind. Be off! And goodbye! You look very cheerful, and it comforts me!   
  
Sabe: So long! I won't forget to buy you some Coruscant keychains!   
  
Sabe walks out of Theed palace and into the city square. Ric Olie is waiting for her.   
  
Ric: (eyeing her warily) Getting your punishment at last, eh, Sabe?   
  
Sabe: (cheerfully) Good morning to you, too, Ric. I must inform you that your way of walking amused the girls so much that when I imitated it…   
  
Ric: Coruscant, right? Right, let's get on going. (grabs her bags and stalks off)   
  
(Sabe walks after him in the hangar and docking bays Naboo)   
  
Sabe: Really, Ric. You're being a bore. No complimentary peanuts? I'm in a very important mission, you know.   
  
Ric: Yeah, I do, too. Get you out of here as soon as possible. Queen's orders.   
  
Sabe: You've developed a sense of humor! Congratulate me!   
  
Ric: I'd rather not. Listen, you be quiet during the trip and I may opt not to drop you off in space.   
  
Sabe: You have my word. Sort of.   
  
_Sabe sits down and looks out of her window. All laughter fades in her eyes, and she looks doubtful._   
  
_cue music_   
  
What will this day be like   
I wonder   
What will my future be   
I wonder   
This day could be so exciting   
To be out into space, to be free   
My heart should be wildly rejoicing   
  
_the stars turn into lights as the ship goes into lightspeed_   
  
Oh what's the matter with me?   
  
I've always longed for adventure   
To do the things I never did   
Now here I am facing adventure…!   
Then why am I so scared?   
  
A Jedi and seven Padawans…   
What's so difficult about that!   
  
Oh I must stop all these doubts, all these worries   
If I don't, I just know I'll fly back!   
I have dreamed of this, I've been seeking…   
I am seeking the courage I left   
  
Ric: Hey, we're here. Amazing thing, this lightspeed, eh?   
  
Sabe: Yes, whatever. I haven't even finished my song! (she gets her bags and walks down the stairs/ramp into Coruscant's starship port)   
  
The courage to serve them with reliance   
Face my mistakes without defiance   
Show them I'm worthy   
And while I show them   
I'll show me   
  
So, let them bring on all their Force tricks   
I'll do better than my best   
I have confidence they'll put me to the test   
But I'll make them see I have confidence in me   
  
(flings out her arms, and sends two 'droids crashing and walks on briskly)   
  
Somehow I will impress them   
I will be firm but kind   
And all those Padawans   
The Force bless them!   
They will look up to me   
  
And mind me with each step I am more certain   
Everything will turn out fine   
I have confidence the galaxy can all be mine   
They'll have to agree I have confidence in me   
  
I'll have confidence in Coruscant   
I had confidence in Theed!   
I have confidence—a Handmaid I will be!   
Besides which you see the Jedi Council trusts me!   
  
Straight doesn't lie in Senators   
Straight doesn't lie in words   
Straight comes from peaceful slumbers   
And when you wake up…wake up! It's healthy!   
  
It tells me all I need to trust is my instinct   
All I trust becomes my own   
I have confidence in confidence alone   
  
(Stops and stares at the huge Jedi temple)   
  
…Oh help…   
  
Besides which you see I have confidence in me!   
  
(she walks in)


	3. Act Two

Chapter Two: The Inanity Continues…

Chapter Two: The Inanity Continues….:p

à Gotta love Sabe and Obi…even in humor. Well, at least I think it's funny. -_-;

*****

Scene:   
_Sabe walks up the huge stairways that lead to the Jedi Temple. She looks curious and apprehensive at the same time._   
  
Sabe: Hullo! I wonder if there is a doorbell.   
  
(she raises her hand to knock, but the huge doors suddenly open by themselves)   
  
Sabe: Of course it's automatic, Sabe, you silly fool! This is Coruscant, after all. (picks up her bags and goes in) Still no one. I wonder if I got the wrong address?   
  
(A young man comes in the hall.)   
  
Man: Good morning! Can I help you?   
  
Sabe: Perhaps. I was sent here from Naboo—as an answer to the Jedi Council's request for a Handmaid. (Fumbles about her things and produces an envelope and hands it over to the man. He unfolds the letter and reads it quietly.)   
  
Man: I see. Are you looking for anyone in particular?   
  
Sabe: Yes. My superiors instructed me to seek out…Ob…Obi…Obi-wan Kenobi. Yes, that's it. I'm looking for a Jedi named Obi-wan Kenobi. Quite a strange name, if I say so myself, pardon me. Do you know him?   
  
Man: Obi-wan? Yes, I know him. I know him quite well.   
  
Sabe: You do? What luck! Where is he, then?   
  
Man: Well, the last time I checked, he's me.   
  
Sabe: YOU'RE Obi-wan Kenobi? (Drops her bags and grabs Obi-wan's hand, shaking it heartily.) Well met, Obi, my boy! I'm Sabe Maberrie, Handmaid of Naboo, at your service! Very well met, I say!   
  
Obi-wan: _Obi?_ Uh…yes…well met, Miss Sabe.   
  
Sabe: I'm sorry I didn't recognize you! Your picture was very badly printed, so I thought you were a butler! (pauses) I mean, a Jedi butler. Yes, a Jedi one.   
  
Obi-wan: I see. (Sabe releases his hand and he massages it a little.) Very good grip. It was enough to break my bones.   
  
Sabe: (beaming) Thank you! That's very nice!   
  
Obi-wan: May I help you with your bags?   
  
Sabe: Please do! (She dumps her huge bags—three of them, into Obi-wan's arms {lucky bags!} and walks on ahead.)   
  
Obi-wan: Oof! Excuse me, Miss Sabe! (Sabe disappears at a turn of the hallway.) MISS SABE! (Still struggling with her bags, he manages to catch up with her.)Miss Sabe, I would like to have a few words with you first before you meet the Padawans.   
  
Sabe: Oh. Alright, then.   
  
Obi-wan: I trust that you have been trained well in the arts of Handmaidenology. You ARE from Naboo, after all.   
  
Sabe: Well, yes, I guess so.   
  
Obi-wan: You guess so?   
  
Sabe: I haven't gotten my diploma yet.   
  
Obi-wan: You haven't graduated yet!? (Stares at her in shock.)   
  
Sabe: Well, darling, I was supposed to graduate two years ago, but certain…things beyond my control have prevented me from doing so. Don't worry, after this assignment, I'll probably fulfill the requirements and graduate happily ever after!   
  
Obi-wan: You are telling me that Naboo, the planet which produces the best Handmaidens in the galaxy, sent a STUDENT to the Jedi Council?   
  
Sabe: Why are you looking at me like that? I TOLD you, it's not my fault, really, it's just that…   
  
Obi-wan: Let me make one thing clear, Miss Sabe. I do not think you know what you have gotten yourself into. The 'children' are Padawans, potential Jedi Knights. Their training is careful, how they are treated is crucial to the development of their powers. So, whether you are a failed student or not, I expect that you will be doing your best in what you have been trained to do. I have a feeling that you have been sent here for a good reason, or I'm a Wookie.   
  
Sabe: I dare say! You're not very nice.   
  
Obi-wan: (smiling grimly) I get that a lot of times.   
  
Sabe: (sighs) Then I'll get one thing straight, too. I don't think we'll get along very well.   
  
Obi-wan: Undoubtedly.   
  
Sabe: I don't want any illusions regarding our relationship, you see.   
  
Obi-wan: Of course.   
  
Sabe: And I think you're the youngest fuddy duddy I've seen in my entire lifespan!

---

Please pray that I will continue this fic. Hehe. Thanks for reading.


End file.
